Fear/Phobia – Riding the Wave Between Them

Fear – we feel it in our lives, witness it in the lives of people we care about and hear it in the world around us. There are times fear is appropriate. It is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if we didn't feel it we couldn't protect ourselves from legitimate threats. Fear is an emotion that comes up most frequently in sessions with clients and a topic I have written about many times. It is the emotion that keeps people stuck and/or complacent in their lives and an emotion that spawns hatred.

fear
noun - an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

pho·bi·a
noun - an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something.

My own personal practice includes pushing myself beyond fear when it arises and in most cases I have had great success in conquering it rather quickly. But there is one fear that has been lingering with me as far back as I can remember. One that I now recognize as a phobia in that it is an irrational fear and it is one that is taking some time to conquer. The fear of deep water. I have always been aware of it but it wasn’t until December of 2012 that I became fully aware of how much control it had over me. I remember the day, the moment actually, as if it were yesterday. I was in Costa Rica with a friend on an epic jungle hike to the most magnificent waterfall. We hired a local guy to take us in, it was rainy but tropically warm, just as you would expect in the jungle. The treacherous trail required great focus as we wound through some sharp turns and narrow edges while mud slid beneath our feet. When we finally reached the waterfall our guide and my friend became breathless with excitement as they came closer to the turbulent waters. I came to a halt as I became breathless with fear. Before I even had time to properly assess the situation a squeaky shrill came out of my mouth “You go ahead, I will wait here”. I understood the look on their faces. After all, who

fearlessly treks into the jungle under treacherous conditions solely for the purpose of swimming beneath the waterfall to suddenly just stop short of obtaining the goal? It would be like following the rainbow to the end and walking away without the pot of gold. I stood and watched them play under the tumultuous falls and wished I could experience such joy and freedom. It was in that moment of disappointment and frustration that I said to myself “I will no longer allow this fear to control me”. I yelled to the guys that I was coming over and slow and steady like a sloth I slithered towards the waterfall, my feet grasping the rocks like suction cups. I felt the force of the falling water hit the surface with a thunderclap creating a volatile whirlpool that sucked the air from my lungs. I pushed through the turbulence and when I could no longer touch the bottom I felt her begin to swallow me. I started to hyperventilate but I was determined to make the crossing. There was nothing enjoyable about losing my dignity while haphazardly attempting to doggy paddle my way through it but there was something that happened once I reached the other side. I survived.

The trip continued to provide me with opportunities to push the limits of the phobia I have with deep water. From repelling down waterfalls (yes more than one!) to white water rafting on the Pacuare river in class V conditions (class VI is expert

rapids/waterfalls). Over the next couple years there would be a trip to Mexico where I went snorkeling in a cenote, paddle boarding in the Florida Keys, and my most recent experience of snorkeling in the ocean and spending 3 days on a catamaran sailing from Key West to Ft. Lauderdale in 6-8 foot waves.

One might think it is crazy to intentionally put yourself in situations that cause fear and panic, after all where is the joy in that? I have discovered that by allowing myself to go into a fearful state, expressing the raw emotion and listening to the ‘story’ I am telling myself about the situation I can become an observer of the fear rather than a victim of the fear. What I discover in this observer state is that my body is tense, my breathing is short and rapid and my thoughts are creating worse-case-scenarios for the situation, which means I am not in the present moment.

I am determined to release my soul from this irrational fear. Each time I put myself in an uncomfortable situation and ‘survive’ it I am rewriting the program about the experience. Like everything we learn, practice and persistence is important. Because there has been so much time between these events, each time I felt like I was starting over, each time it was just as terrifying as the last. With this most recent experience I noticed I was able to recover from the fear more quickly. A welcome sign that the rewrite is working.

Understanding what is happening in your body when you feel paralyzed by fear is helpful. Fear is a chain reaction in the brain that starts with a stressful stimulus and ends with the release of chemicals that cause a racing heart, fast breathing and energized muscles, among other things, also known as the fight-flight-or freeze response. The sympathetic nervous system sends out impulses to glands and smooth muscles and tells the adrenal medulla to release epinephrine (adrenaline) and norepinephrine (noradrenaline) into the bloodstream. These "stress hormones" cause several changes in the body, including an increase in heart rate and blood pressure. The quickest and most efficient way I know to slow my heart rate and calm my nervous system is by controlling my breathing. As an added bonus this brings my thought process into the present moment, a place where I am actually NOT in any danger, and out of a future or past thought that has created a potential threat that does not really exist.

In the end, I may not develop a love or passion for swimming or water activity but my goal is to not have a fear of it. My goal is to freely explore any and all new experiences in my life with an open mind, open heart and open eyes that are not controlled by fear.