Why I Love/Hate Yoga

I started my new job last week Thursday and this week I finished my first full week of a 9-5 job.  I have not had a ‘desk job’ in 15 years.

I remember as a kid, watching an episode of Tarzan where they plucked him from the jungle and brought him to the city.  That pretty much sums up my experience since arriving in Miami on April 12^th.  My environment went from night time darkness – lit only by the phases of the moon and nighttime stillness only disturbed by the sounds of owls, coyotes, javelinas, and rushing water from the creek – to city lights and loud traffic.

If you have followed me the last 2 years, you know how amazing my life has been.  And that journey began because I listened to a calling of my soul.  So when the calling came again, I trusted it.  Just as the last transition was a significant change in my lifestyle, I knew, this too would be a significant change, but I was ready for it – I felt it coming.

Learning something new is always exciting and frustrating at the same time.  I am a very fast learner, but there is still a part of me that wants to be hard on myself for not knowing it quicker.  At the end of each day I found myself mentally exhausted and coming home with just enough energy to prepare a few meals, and then crash for the night.  By Friday this mental exhaustion had built into unexpressed emotional stress.

So what does this have to do with yoga?

I like how I feel after a yoga class and being in a new city and not knowing any one I figured it might be a good way to meet people.  I found an amazing yoga studio near my home and signed up for 1 month unlimited so I could try all the classes and the different instructors.

It is important to know that I have not been a dedicated ‘yogi’.  I first came to yoga only 5 months before I moved from Milwaukee and while in Sedona, only went to a handful of classes just before I moved to Miami.

This past week I thought about the classes each day, but I did not make it to one class because of the mental/emotional exhaustion I felt.  This morning I went to my first class since last week Saturday.  The minute class began I knew it was going to be a challenge for me – emotionally.  As soon as my feet hit the mat I felt everything that had built up during the week bubbling to the surface and by the time I was in my first downward dog I couldn’t hold back the tears.  With every pose my heart opened more as I felt increasingly vulnerable in a class filled with strangers.  I could no longer tell if I was wiping away beads of sweat or tears.  Yoga does not come easy for me.  I don’t know the names of many of the poses so I must follow visually.  My build is strong but not very flexible.  But none of it matters.  I didn’t care if it was tears or sweat, I didn’t care that I couldn’t do a handstand, I didn’t care that I didn’t make it to class all week, I didn’t even care what the tears were for.  I don’t need to attach a story to any of it.  I knew I was moving energy and that is all I needed to do.  And the most important part is I love how I feel after a yoga class.  My commitment to myself is making it to class 2-3 days a week. Like good nutrition, it is an important part of maintaining health and balance in my life and I am worth it.

I continue to grow and follow my calling. There is a passion that drives me because I know the path I am on is so much bigger than this brief moment in time.

I leave you with my favorite quote from Alberto Villoldo: When we call on Spirit – Spirit answers us 100% of the time. So when Spirit calls us, we must also answer 100% of the time.

Love and gratitude for Life
~ Marla

www.moonfoxmassage.com