I used to be a workaholic. When something had to be done, I gave it 200%. My jobs consumed me, hobbies consumed me, and relationships consumed me. I have been fiercely independent for as long as I can remember. I am not afraid of hard work, commitment, dedication to getting something done. But when I stopped and looked back on my life, I had to ask myself what was I trying to prove?
These days, I am teetering at the other end of that spectrum. I have had some incredible opportunities in my life the last few years that have allowed me to view my life and my existence from an entirely different perspective. On the surface, it appears I have been blessed with some incredible opportunities the last few years. To some it may appear I am one of the lucky ones, or that I have somehow been blessed with opportunities not afforded to many. It may even appear to some as though I lost my marbles and I am wondering aimlessly around the country.
But what is really going on? I have simply made a series of choices in my life; the same choices everyone makes every day that determines how they live. For me, it started by questioning what was driving me. When I allowed myself to answer that question honestly I realized that I was being driven by a set of beliefs that I had to be a certain way, or accomplish certain things. Beliefs that fed into the ego about what success is and that the amount of success is somehow measured by what I achieve. And those achievements had nice rewards like fancy titles, expense accounts, nice cars and houses filled with nice things. In 1999 I made the decision to walk away from that and start over. This time I put the energy into my own business; a business that meant something and helped people. But it didn't take long for that business to grow and consume me as well. It became who I was. Therapist, boss, business owner – there are those titles again. Roles I stepped right back into, allowing them to define who I was. Eventually nothing about it felt real to me, yet I was fully immersed in it.
In 2011 I made another choice and this time I let go of all attachments – the job, the house, the possessions, and the outcome. With 100% certainty I trusted I would be guided. It was when I let go of it all that the doors opened and gave me the time, place and tools to begin the dissection of self and soul. I let go of the programming, the roles, and the stories of who I thought I was. When I met new people and they asked me what my interests were or what I did for a 'living', I found myself without an answer. I resisted spitting out the programmed default answer because it wasn't my truth. The truth was, I didn't know – and I allowed that answer to be good enough because it was liberating speaking the truth.
These days I measure success not by my job, material possessions or bank account. I measure it by my ability to live with an open heart, honest communication and full expression of the beauty that is in everything around me. Yes, my life is amazing. But my life is no more amazing than anyone else who becomes fully aware that our realty is created by our beliefs and we always have a choice in what we believe.
What is your reality?
