FOCUS POCUS

This morning, like most mornings, I woke with the sun and made my way to the kitchen to brew a cup of green tea. While waiting for the water to boil, I threw out handfuls of peanuts for the blue jays, as I often do. Sometimes I take care to put them in the hanging feeder, but most mornings - to start the day I just scatter them on the ground, knowing that the squirrels have an equal chance at that breakfast offering. As I sipped my morning tea I sat meditatively gazing out watching the morning rush of jays and squirrels. I am always amazed at how they instantly arrive when I toss out the peanuts and often giggle as I imagine some cartoonish version of them lurking around the corner anxiously awaiting my offering. Too often now I hear the jays screeching if the peanuts don't show up in a timely manner in the morning.

This morning some crows decided to join us for breakfast. I often hear them and see them around the neighborhood but rarely do they actually spend time in my yard. It started with one who landed in the yard and became focused on a particular squirrel. The crow followed this squirrel around the yard for several minutes then flew to a low hanging branch above the squirrel. This crazy behavior, even for a crow, captured my attention as I curiously watched the dance. Then the squirrel buried a peanut and headed back towards the house to gather more. The crow swooped down and dug up the peanut the squirrel had just buried. Then one by one other crows landed in the yard - five in all - and started pecking at grassy spots looking for their own buried treasure. The particular behavior didn't surprise me, crows and ravens are extremely intelligent birds and why 'hunt' for your own food when you can just snatch it from an unwitting squirrels stash. I laughed because just a couple feet from where they were searching for their buried treasures lay a handful of peanuts available for the taking, no hunting or digging necessary.

Observing this behavior got me thinking about how we as humans also become so focused on a goal that it often triggers our own 'automatic response system' in how we approach the tasks at hand. Being focused is actually a good thing because if you were paying attention to every little thing happening around you - you would not be able to function and could quite literally drive yourself crazy.

So what is wrong with being focused? For goal oriented tasks focus is great. At the same time you need to understand something very important, when we become focused it can also be like we are wearing blinders. For example, many of us believe when we are looking out into the world we are seeing all of it, the truth - the whole truth, when in fact what we are seeing is a very small part of reality. It is so important to understand that this is only a good thing as long as we realize that is what we are doing.

If we are not aware of the fact that we are only aware of a small part of reality we are likely to pay a high price in terms of our potential, not only individually but relationally and organizationally as well. Something I will cover in more depth in my next blog post.

Cultivate Curiosity

 I am writing from beautiful Boulder, Colorado where at the end of October we are enjoying temperatures in the mid to high seventies and a weekly forecast that ranges from low 40's to high 60's. Mountain living at its finest. It seems strange to be living in a place where winter actually brings much excitement to an entire community of active outdoor enthusiasts! But then again, I don't believe winter here will be anything like enduring the long deep freeze that is a typical Midwest winter!

As I try to imagine what the change of seasons will be like in this new city I began to contemplate how I got here. I was thinking about all the changes I have personally gone through the last six years since my initial move from Milwaukee, Wisconsin in 2012. On this path of observation I discovered there are two very important components that help us make the most of life; Curiosity (reflection); a desire to LEARN more and Openness (action); a desire to DO more. What happens when a curious mind isn't matched by an openness to experience is Reflection Without Action.

Often times we get stuck in one or the other. If we are stuck in Curiosity (reflection) only, we remain trapped by the limitations of our own mind, unable to expand and grow beyond our preexisting belief system. No real development occurs. When we are stuck in Openness (action) only, we find ourself doing more and more, moving fast but we end up experiencing intellectual stagnation and end up not moving in the right direction. When the cognitive and the physical are split - when Curiosity and Openness to experience do not coexist we are unlikely to fulfill our potential for success or happiness. We may somehow navigate through all that life throws at us but we are unlikely to innovate a better life for ourselves. We are able to Survive, but unlikely to Thrive. How we grow is created by the loop between Reflection & Action.

This brings me back to my current situation that brought me to Boulder. An opportunity that was presented to me that is so big (and most definitely life changing) that my initial response was to decline it. Upon evaluation, I found wrapped up in my initial response was fear. Fear of failure, fear of not being good enough/smart enough, fear of the unknown and fear of what I would leave behind in Milwaukee. The fear instantly took over my innate curiosity. Then I heard my Psychology Professors voice in my head...."LEARN TO FAIL OR FAIL TO LEARN". The primary barrier that lies in the path to Openness is the fear of failure.

So here I am in Boulder, about to start a project that is being filmed for a documentary. I have been inducted to the world of film and production by enduring several delays while the technical aspects of this project get worked out. Two months later than planned and a few production companies later, I am about to begin this new journey with the most incredible Producer, Assistant Producer and Director who met with me personally with a Curiosity and Openness to understand my vision and believe in me and the direction I want this project to unfold. My client is arriving from Chicago on November 10th and she will begin her journey with Curiosity and Openness. An exciting aspect of this project is you will be able to follow along on our journey. The production company will set up a social media page so you can follow along and interact with us if you would like to. As soon as that page is setup I will send you an invite to follow along!

Hope to see you somewhere along the path on this incredible journey!

"The best moments usually occur when a person's body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile". 

                                                                    ~ Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

My Biggest Challenge So Far

On March 14, 2015 I made my return to Milwaukee for what was to be a six-month commitment to get my father off eight prescription medications and improve his health in the hopes of slowing the progression of his dementia. That goal was accomplished within the six months but there became this realization that so much more had been unfolding during that time. While my focus was my father, I also understood how important it was to reduce the stress my mother was enduring from playing the role of caretaker so my six-month commitment was extended to one year. During that second half I was able to find my own balance of seeing some old clients and even meeting some new ones and reconnecting with friends. By fall of 2016 everything was moving along smoothly and I was making plans to leave Milwaukee when I received a phone call that my brother, who has MS and is in a wheelchair, had fallen victim to an individual that was manipulating him financially. I made the decision not to leave in order to deal with this unfortunate situation and it took me over one year to neutralize it.

Fast forward to 2018, I am still in Milwaukee and feeling all the fires have been extinguished. As I reflect on all the moments I have had with clients, pets, friends and family the last three years I feel an overwhelming sense of compassion and love because I know how incredibly blessed I am to have had this time to connect. I have spent the last 6 months pondering what was next for me. When you have an adventurous soul, there is always a ‘where to next’ and when you feel called to continually expand and forever share who you are becoming there is always a ‘what's next’.

In some ways much of my life was on hold these last three years. While I still managed to create a balance with it all, there was a piece of me that was put on the shelf while I tended to more pressing matters. The difficulty is in the dance between taking care of others while taking care of ourselves. We should not lose ourselves for the sake of others. Mother Teresa said it best “Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.” Being on hold has given me pause (a cessation of activity because of doubt or uncertainty). When this happens, I focus on grounding and ask to be guided to what I am called to do at this time and then I observe and listen.

There are always signs pointing us in the direction we should go. Sometimes the signs are so small that without a magnifying glass we may miss them. Sometimes the signs are so big we can barely get out of the way as to not get whacked in the head by them. Sometimes the signs seem to point in more than one direction and we become confused. Reading the signs is something I have become quite efficient at. It happens with practice and then you begin to trust the process as your life ebbs and flows. Flow enhances movement and we become more creative. My own experience of being in the flow as it relates to change always seems to equate to white water rafting. I don’t seem to float gently down the stream of change, instead I ride the white caps down the express lane. And oddly enough when that happens it is exactly how I know I am doing what I am called to do. It just comes together quick and easy, even though on the surface it can appear chaotic.

By this exact process I have fallen into a river of fast moving water that will carry me to my next great destination. A challenge bigger than any I have met so far. An opportunity to push me beyond my own boundaries and face any fears or self-limiting beliefs that may be lurking in my subconscious. On July 1^st I received a phone call with a job offer to work as a transformation coach for a woman seeking to lose weight and learn how to become her most authentic self. She wants to take control of her health and learn how to live a healthy fulfilling life. This project is being filmed for a documentary and because of the scope of it, she will live with me for one year in Boulder, Colorado starting September 1, 2018. This is truly an amazing opportunity and it required me to quickly pull together a group of professionals that will work as my team during this year long project. All of the pieces fell into place in last three weeks. Yes, that is some class V white water rafting.

My parting from one location is always bittersweet, but no matter where I am, it is never really too far. I carry everyone with me because my connections cannot be broken by distance. I am a phone call, an email, a text or a page post away, never really gone.

With Love and Gratitude,

Marla