How A Loon Helped Me Connect

Today as I sat down on my living room floor for a morning meditation I closed my eyes and took in the smell of burning sage. I thought I heard my name whispered and when I opened my eyes they fixed upon this wood carved loon. In 2012 I sold everything, keeping only what would fit in my car. This loon was one of the few ‘non-essential’ items I kept. It has been with me since July 10, 1999 when it was given to me by my grandfather. So why this morning, after all this time, did the loon call to me? Why did it seem like that red eye, usually not so noticeable, was glowing with great intensity? Why did it lock its gaze on me preventing me from looking away as if I were staring into a swirling spiral of red magnetic energy?

I started thinking about that day in July when I received it, what a magical day it already was only to be topped off with such a powerful gift. My grandfather made many but shared few of his carvings. Then childhood memories started rushing out of that swirling red eye. I started thinking about all the years my father purchased only the finest wood carving blocks as Christmas gifts to my grandfather. I actually laughed out loud as I thought about all the corny jokes he would tell. I started thinking about the time my grandfather and I were picking wild raspberries and we came across a beautiful white tail deer and my grandfather pulled out a white handkerchief and started flicking it to communicate with the deer. I remembered how the look on the deer’s face changed from caution to curiosity as he started moving towards us rather than away from us and I actually felt in my physical body now, the same excitement I felt then. And I remembered the day I received a phone call saying I might want to go say goodbye to my grandfather, he was being put into hospice care.

It was about a 3 hour drive to see him. He was in and out of alertness due to the morphine drip. He shared some beautiful stories and corny jokes and said what a wonderful fulfilling life he had. I remember looking in his eyes and feeling an incredible amount of peace. I can only compare it to looking into the eyes of an angel. On the drive home I couldn’t stop crying and I didn’t know why. If he was so at peace with dying why was I so sad. It was then that I realized that my tears were those of regret. The older I got the fewer visits I made to see my grandparents. I was thinking about all the time that passed and how few times I visited; shouldn’t I have made more effort to spend time with him over the years? Is it right to let your life be so busy that you don’t take the time to travel and visit more often? I was actually feeling guilty. And then I realized that all this sadness was about me – how did that happen? It changed everything I believed about grief around dying. Death is certain; we all know it is coming. Of course there is sadness when we lose someone; it is one of our human experiences to feel sadness and grief from the loss of physical companionship. But the extent of my sadness was clouded by my own guilt and regret, creating an illusion of what the loss really was. Having learned many things from my grandfather, this last lesson was the most profound.

Well, here it is many years later, and I am experiencing my grandfather in the exact same way as all those years ago by reliving the memories. So it gets me to thinking, just how long ago was it that he passed? Checking the funeral notecard, it was August 28, 2004. His service was held September 1, 2004. Holy shit, my goosebumps just got goosebumps.

But what does this have to do with my morning meditation? I have to go back to the beginning, to the intention I set for my meditation this morning. I have been feeling a great absence of connection. I am far from family, my friends are scattered in cities all over, none of which is Miami. I am questioning my choices and feeling some guilt for making them. So I set a simple intention this morning to allow me to find that missing connection.

So on this 10 year anniversary of my grandfather’s death, he decides to connect with me through his wood carved loon. Seems as corny as the jokes he would tell. Yet his connection is a much needed reminder that we are never really alone and our thoughts and memories can create great happiness or great sorrow, we choose.

The One Thing You Can Do to Change Two Major Industries

This past week I saw a video of the way chickens are being raised at Prince Poultry, the second largest supplier of chicken. Being involved in animal rights back in the late 80’s, I was not surprised by this video. I am well aware of how factory farming operates so of course I did not hesitate to sign the petition urging the owners be brought up on charges of animal cruelty. I wasn't even surprised by the passionate chatter between vegetarians, vegans and carnivores that always comes up over the ethical issue of eating animals. What does surprise me is the lack of chatter about the fact that this is indeed a current food source.  Prince Poultry supplies chicken to Pilgrim’s Corp. who supplies it to Walmart, Kroger, Costco, Chick-fil-A, Wendy’s, Burger King, Publix and others. Where do you shop? Did you see the physical and physiological conditions of those chickens? Genetically modified for fast growth and large breasts to the extent they can’t walk and often die because their heart just bursts? Is that really what you want to ingest into your body? Is there any doubt about the link between the poor condition of our food and the poor condition of our health? Do you not feel the need to question that? Don’t you want to go check the brand of chicken in your freezer right now?

A few days ago I read an interview from who I believe to be the wife of Tim Prince - owner of Prince Poultry. It was before I saw the video, so I read it without having the visual. Her words really stuck with me and actually prompted this blog. What I remember of the interview was her saying that they put the chickens in the hole, away from the house and at night wild animals would come and feed on them. It would keep them from trying to get at the other chickens. They thought they were doing the right thing. She went on to say that the business has been in the family for 3 generations and it is all they have ever known. Now they don’t know what they will do if they don’t have this business. Interestingly I have not been able to find this article again to confirm that it was indeed this same incident.  And while you might find it shocking that it could actually be a different incident, it is indeed the reality of our current food industry. In 2012 Animalplace.org made the largest rescue in California history when 50,000 egg laying hens were abandoned by the owners of A&L Poultry. By the time authorities were notified 20,000 had starved to death, others drowned in giant manure pits under their cages (yes they were left in cages) and another 25,000 had to be euthanized. In the end only 4,460 were able to be saved. This is the condition of our food supply. And what is equally shocking to me is that most of you will agree that it is wrong, many of you will have an emotional reaction to it, yet only some of you will ask, like I did, what the hell are they doing with 50,000 chickens? We get lost in the emotion of these situations, end up feeling overwhelmed and after the media exposure goes away, we bury it somewhere and go about our lives as usual. That is why it is so hard to change the system. We (the consumer) are the biggest part of the problem.

But back to the reason I was inspired to write this blog. It goes back to the interview and the words ‘we thought we were doing the right thing”. Now that can push all kinds of different buttons for people. How could someone think that is the right thing? Where does that kind of thinking or belief come from? Judge all you want, but I happen to believe her when she said they thought they were doing the right thing. I am not saying it is right or I agree with it, I am just saying I believe she believed it was right. The key lies in the next statement she made, the business has been in our family for 3 generations and it is all we know.

How do we know what we know?

Some of the work I do with clients is to help them to discover how much of their thinking comes from programmed beliefs. Our beliefs create our reality. Our beliefs are the lens through which we see the world. But our beliefs are most often not our own original thoughts. Roughly 5 years of our childhood (ages 2-7) our brain waves are in Theta (observing and recording). A child is not in consciousness until age 7. That is how we are able to learn the ‘rules of society’ and how to function so quickly. What we are observing and learning goes into the subconscious mind, which is pretty much like a tape recorder. While this seems pretty efficient considering the amount of information we need to learn at that age, it can be a disaster if we are growing up in an environment that isn’t exactly nurturing or encouraging us to be a free thinker. That recorder (subconscious mind) is picking up everything that is being said to us by our parents, teachers, society, and is being stored away for later use under the file called beliefs. Now how many people do you know that have had pretty rough childhoods? In my line of work, that would be quite a few who spent their childhood in basic survival mode and fear. These programmed beliefs hang out in the subconscious mind and affect every decision we make from our likes and dislikes, to the friends we choose, to the jobs we have, and even our diseases. 95% of behavior comes from our subconscious mind. Think about who did most of your programming. What was their state of consciousness? Programming can also be disguised as tradition or religion. So ask yourself, are they really your beliefs or are you following someone’s programming?

What are your beliefs?

So let’s tie this all together. The woman from Prince Poultry (or whatever poultry company she was from) grew up raising poultry. Everything she knew about raising poultry was taught to her at an early age (programming). More than 8 billion chickens are raised and killed in the US each year so I imagine she is pretty excited because business is good compared to when her family first started. She is feeling good because she is helping supply that demand, she is earning a living and there is no FDA or USDA agent knocking on her door. In her reality everything is right.

You stop at the big box grocery store on your way home from work to pick up some ground beef for the annual summer barbecue at Aunt Mary’s. Out of the corner of your eye you catch the big neon sale sticker on the plump, perfectly cut and wrapped chicken breasts and think it’s too good of a sale to pass up (mom taught you all about bargain shopping) so you throw a couple packs of chicken in the cart too. This barbecue has been happening every year for the last 3 generations and your mother always brought the grilling meat just like her mother did. They always pride themselves on clipping coupons and finding the least expensive selections and you are proud to carry on the tradition (programming).

In comes this undercover investigator to the poultry farm who tapes these horrific conditions and treatment of chickens, someone who has different programming about how chickens should be treated and raised. Two very different realities based on two completely sets of programming come crashing together. We can argue that Prince Poultry was out of control and irresponsible, and I agree. We can argue that the industry as a whole is irresponsible and out of control, and I agree. We can argue that the FDA and USDA are irresponsible and controlled by the very industry it is supposed to regulate, and I agree. But most of all, I will argue that what you demand is what they supply. Sound familiar? If you follow me on facebook you know I am always talking about making change by how you spend your money.

So you will go to the barbecue at Aunt Mary’s and grill your meats and get caught up on the latest family dramas. Everyone will share their new aches, pains, surgeries and new medications since meeting last year. Everyone will make fun of the one crazy uncle and it will be another successful year in the family tradition. As everyone chows down their plump juicy chicken breast, nobody will be talking about the video that was taken at Prince Poultry because it’s old news that came and went and the raw emotion and initial shock has long worn off. You are back in your regular programmed comfortable and predictable routine.

I know we mean well, we don’t want to support that kind of industry. We are so removed from making a conscious decision when it comes to food. As kids we were programmed by our parents and as adults we have become programmed by an industry that manufactures a food-like product in a lab and programs you to buy it and actually believe it is real food. We are so removed from our food that we actually believe velveeta is cheese. We don’t stop to think that a cappuccino potato chip isn’t going to be made with coffee, which means it is made in a lab, a chemical chip is more accurate. Dear Lay’s, do us a flavor and stop killing us with your toxic waste products. If that video from Prince Poultry played over the meat counter at the local grocery store nobody would be buying the chicken. The realty for most people is they don’t know what to do and the thought of it becomes overwhelming so they do nothing.

Start here:

Stop buying food-like products.
Stop supporting an industry that sees nothing wrong with one farm having 50,000 chickens stuffed in cages. Stop supporting an industry that treats animals as a commodity and has nothing in place to prevent the cruelty of those animals. Stop spending your money at restaurants that don’t offer local farm-to-table options – Chipotle is proof that a chain restaurant can do it and succeed.
It will change the food industry and it will change the health care industry.
25-30% of disease is genetics. 70-75% is related to lifestyle. That means by cleaning up your diet you clean up the terrain your cells live in, thereby reducing the lifestyle induced disease epidemic.
Now there is food for thought J
Step out of your comfort zone, nothing grows there. Come with me on this marvelous journey my friend.

The One thing you can do that will change two major industries:

Start spending your money on real food - it really is that simple.

Educate yourself - this is your health.

http://www.change.org/p/burying-animals-alive-is-cruel-and-should-be-prosecuted?utm_medium=email&utm_source=notification&utm_campaign=new_petition_recruit

http://aldf.org/cases-campaigns/features/lawsuit-in-largest-california-farmed-animal-rescue-in-history-moves-forward/

Why I Was Buried In Dirt

I am always grateful for the many opportunities I am given and amazed at my ability to say yes.  It is a daily practice to not give in to fearful thoughts as they spin around your mind like a broken record telling you it is safer to remain in your comfort zone.  I hear that voice; it whispers to me from the dark alley of my mind.  But I also have a voice that now speaks louder. This voice reminds me that when I say yes I am shining a light on the darkness of fear.

Today I said yes to being completely buried in dirt, only leaving my face exposed.  In a beautiful ceremony I was submerged into the soil, the womb of our Great Mother Earth.  As I waited for my turn, I had many thoughts that rambled through my mind.  They were the usual thoughts like bugs, not being able to breathe, panic attacks, dirt in the ears, eyes, nose and other orifices.  When it was my turn, I silently made an agreement with the creepy crawlers that I was only paying a visit, took a deep breath, stepped in, and laid down.  I remember how warm the earth felt, I had expected it to be cool.  I remember the smell, so fresh like after a gentle rain.  I remember the sound of the gentle wind flapping the palm trees around me like the wings of the Eagle.  I remember the sound of the ocean as the waves kissed gently against the shore.  As I was lovingly being covered in dirt, I reminded myself that I am not my body, I am everything and everything is me.  I remember how much lighter the dirt felt over my body than I imagined it would.  When a fearful thought came to me, I observed it in my body.  I felt where I was holding tension and I took a deep breath releasing that tension.  I remember the sounds of rattles, drums and beautiful singing in a language I did not know, but was somehow familiar.  I remember the beating of the earth just above my head that sounded like the heartbeat of Pachamama.  Most of all, I remembered that I said yes.  Repeating my mantra - I am not my body, I soon found myself soaring the heavens with a convocation of Eagles.  My body was weightless, my spirit was free and the beauty I witnessed could only be felt.  It didn't seem long before the excavation began, preparing me for my birth.  With some assistance, I emerged from the earth.  As I stood up on wobbly legs,  I couldn't help notice the darkness of my skin.  I saw a flash of my indigenous ancestors and suddenly felt a connection that was so familiar.  I walked to the hose where I was to rinse off and the chill of the water took my breath away.  As I used my hand to wash off the dirt I felt the intrinsic beauty of earth and water.  I knew I had to be submerged so before rejoining the group, I spent some time in the salt pool.

Following the Pachamama Ceremony we went into a sacred plant ceremony of Sairy and Mambe and ended the night with an amazing fire ceremony.

It was the Monday before this Saturday event that something was calling me to do a short juice cleanse so I made the decision that I would do it Wednesday-Saturday.  On Tuesday I received the invitation to attend this ceremony.  At first I was going to decline because I knew I would be coming off a juice cleanse (fear).  The next day I said YES to the ceremony without realizing it was actually a purging ceremony.  When I say yes, I am able to see the synchronicity in life that reads like a road map to my higher self.  When I say yes, I have growth.  When I say yes, I am free.

What will you say YES to?

~Marla  Saturday 8/2/2014

What Is Your Reality?

I used to be a workaholic.  When something had to be done, I gave it 200%.  My jobs consumed me, hobbies consumed me, and relationships consumed me.  I have been fiercely independent for as long as I can remember.  I am not afraid of hard work, commitment, dedication to getting something done.  But when I stopped and looked back on my life, I had to ask myself what was I trying to prove?

These days, I am teetering at the other end of that spectrum.  I have had some incredible opportunities in my life the last few years that have allowed me to view my life and my existence from an entirely different perspective.  On the surface, it appears I have been blessed with some incredible opportunities the last few years.  To some it may appear I am one of the lucky ones, or that I have somehow been blessed with opportunities not afforded to many.  It may even appear to some as though I lost my marbles and I am wondering aimlessly around the country.

But what is really going on?  I have simply made a series of choices in my life; the same choices everyone makes every day that determines how they live.  For me, it started by questioning what was driving me.  When I allowed myself to answer that question honestly I realized that I was being driven by a set of beliefs that I had to be a certain way, or accomplish certain things.  Beliefs that fed into the ego about what success is and that the amount of success is somehow measured by what I achieve.  And those achievements had nice rewards like fancy titles, expense accounts, nice cars and houses filled with nice things.  In 1999 I made the decision to walk away from that and start over.  This time I put the energy into my own business; a business that meant something and helped people.  But it didn't take long for that business to grow and consume me as well.  It became who I was.  Therapist, boss, business owner – there are those titles again.  Roles I stepped right back into, allowing them to define who I was.  Eventually nothing about it felt real to me, yet I was fully immersed in it.

In 2011 I made another choice and this time I let go of all attachments – the job, the house, the possessions, and the outcome.  With 100% certainty I trusted I would be guided.  It was when I let go of it all that the doors opened and gave me the time, place and tools to begin the dissection of self and soul.  I let go of the programming, the roles, and the stories of who I thought I was.  When I met new people and they asked me what my interests were or what I did for a 'living', I found myself without an answer.  I resisted spitting out the programmed default answer because it wasn't my truth.  The truth was, I didn't know – and I allowed that answer to be good enough because it was liberating speaking the truth.

These days I measure success not by my job, material possessions or bank account.  I measure it by my ability to live with an open heart, honest communication and full expression of the beauty that is in everything around me. Yes, my life is amazing.  But my life is no more amazing than anyone else who becomes fully aware that our realty is created by our beliefs and we always have a choice in what we believe.

What is your reality?

Why I Love/Hate Yoga

I started my new job last week Thursday and this week I finished my first full week of a 9-5 job.  I have not had a ‘desk job’ in 15 years.

I remember as a kid, watching an episode of Tarzan where they plucked him from the jungle and brought him to the city.  That pretty much sums up my experience since arriving in Miami on April 12^th.  My environment went from night time darkness – lit only by the phases of the moon and nighttime stillness only disturbed by the sounds of owls, coyotes, javelinas, and rushing water from the creek – to city lights and loud traffic.

If you have followed me the last 2 years, you know how amazing my life has been.  And that journey began because I listened to a calling of my soul.  So when the calling came again, I trusted it.  Just as the last transition was a significant change in my lifestyle, I knew, this too would be a significant change, but I was ready for it – I felt it coming.

Learning something new is always exciting and frustrating at the same time.  I am a very fast learner, but there is still a part of me that wants to be hard on myself for not knowing it quicker.  At the end of each day I found myself mentally exhausted and coming home with just enough energy to prepare a few meals, and then crash for the night.  By Friday this mental exhaustion had built into unexpressed emotional stress.

So what does this have to do with yoga?

I like how I feel after a yoga class and being in a new city and not knowing any one I figured it might be a good way to meet people.  I found an amazing yoga studio near my home and signed up for 1 month unlimited so I could try all the classes and the different instructors.

It is important to know that I have not been a dedicated ‘yogi’.  I first came to yoga only 5 months before I moved from Milwaukee and while in Sedona, only went to a handful of classes just before I moved to Miami.

This past week I thought about the classes each day, but I did not make it to one class because of the mental/emotional exhaustion I felt.  This morning I went to my first class since last week Saturday.  The minute class began I knew it was going to be a challenge for me – emotionally.  As soon as my feet hit the mat I felt everything that had built up during the week bubbling to the surface and by the time I was in my first downward dog I couldn’t hold back the tears.  With every pose my heart opened more as I felt increasingly vulnerable in a class filled with strangers.  I could no longer tell if I was wiping away beads of sweat or tears.  Yoga does not come easy for me.  I don’t know the names of many of the poses so I must follow visually.  My build is strong but not very flexible.  But none of it matters.  I didn’t care if it was tears or sweat, I didn’t care that I couldn’t do a handstand, I didn’t care that I didn’t make it to class all week, I didn’t even care what the tears were for.  I don’t need to attach a story to any of it.  I knew I was moving energy and that is all I needed to do.  And the most important part is I love how I feel after a yoga class.  My commitment to myself is making it to class 2-3 days a week. Like good nutrition, it is an important part of maintaining health and balance in my life and I am worth it.

I continue to grow and follow my calling. There is a passion that drives me because I know the path I am on is so much bigger than this brief moment in time.

I leave you with my favorite quote from Alberto Villoldo: When we call on Spirit – Spirit answers us 100% of the time. So when Spirit calls us, we must also answer 100% of the time.

Love and gratitude for Life
~ Marla

www.moonfoxmassage.com