A Journey to Remember

One of the most important things I've learned working with clients is that you can’t want things to change more than they want it for themselves. Change is a difficult thing for most people, even when faced with a life threatening illness. The reality of that first hit home when my brother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (which actually turned out to be undiagnosed Lyme’s disease). In just 3 months his symptoms were reversing by aggressively treating the Lyme’s disease with alternative therapies. The protocol was intense; it required many lifestyle changes including a complete nutritional overhaul. We would soon realize that mentally my brother was locked into the diagnosis given to him by the MS doctor and it wasn't his reality that he could get better. Having to let go and allow him to walk the path he was choosing was a difficult but enlightening process.

Eight years ago my father was given a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. I was hopeful for a chance to have a different outcome than that of my brothers. We started down the path of alternative therapies but gradually that path was washed away by allopathic medicine.

After a phone conversation with my mother in August of 2014, and hearing how overwhelmed she was with everything, I began to have visions of assisting them on a journey of transformation. I started seeing them healthy, active, enjoying their retirement like they had planned to. I began writing thoughts and ideas down as they would come to me. I knew how intense and difficult the process would be for them and I was also reminded that it isn't something I can want more than they do.

During a two week visit with my parents in October, 2014 I personally noticed a significant change in my father since I last saw him 6 months earlier. The drugs on the market for Alzheimer’s are experimental at best. These drugs don’t change the underlying disease process, are effective for some but not all people, and may help only for a limited time. Like so many pharmaceuticals, they come with a long list of dangerous side effects. Ironically these side effects can mimic the symptoms of Alzheimer’s, such as depression, mood changes, confusion and hallucinations. I scrolled down the list of medications asking why he was prescribed each one. Most of them were for “known symptoms that people with Alzheimer’s get” but yet he wasn't exhibiting any of those symptoms at the time they were prescribed. And of course there were the usual MD favorites, cholesterol, blood pressure and ulcer medications. To top it off, his latest checkup revealed borderline diabetes, bringing the total number of medications to eight.

When I looked at the list of medications he was on, I felt angry, disappointed, sad, then ultimately became inspired and determined. Before I left to return to Miami I had lunch with my mother. I put it all on the table. I was willing to come and help improve the quality of their life, but she had to want it more than me.

Fear; a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined. Fear is an interesting emotion. If you suddenly found yourself in the jaws of an alligator, that would represent a threat that is real and trigger your fight, flight or freeze response, which would serve you well in that situation. If you experience fear in an imagined way (your thoughts) you also trigger the same fight, flight or freeze response because the body doesn't know the difference between a real life threat and an imagined threat. This can create the feeling of being ‘stuck’ in your life – freeze response.

Two months after the conversation with my mother, she called me to say she was ready. So far my personal journey of self-discovery has been incredibly empowering, but my life is not absent of fear or doubt. I can easily create the freeze response by over thinking the fact that I am quitting my job, moving to another state (again), attempting to reverse the symptoms of a disease western medicine hasn't been able (or willing?) to, and a host of other thoughts that came up the minute my mother said yes. But I know by stepping into the shadow of fear, some amazing pathways have opened up in my life. I always trust and move forward, rather than fear and freeze.

This journey is bigger than me, bigger than the fear that arises from risking everything for an unknown outcome. This is a journey to remembering. Remembering family, remembering love, remembering happiness, and remembering our vulnerabilities because it will be raw and painful but on the other side of that awaits an entire lifetime of memories.

To follow our journey, you can follow my blog.